There are so many things I've held in my head and my
heart for so long and it seems that the older I get (though
I'm not even out of my 20s officially) the more scarce the
number of people I can truly get my feelings out to. It
seems like no matter how many people surround me on a daily
basis I always feel alone. What makes it so weird is most
people would classify me as being SOCIAL or more
extroverted; it's funny because by myself I've never felt
alone, only around others...even those I call friends and
family... those whom I seemingly get along with pretty
well. Is this at all common for any of you all? I mean I
know I have people around me that care but I can't find the
trust in my heart to bare the deepest part of my soul to,
not without the fear of judgement, ridicule or the impulse
for them to "FIX ME" rather than just shut up and listen
like most people around me have done since high school.
Over the years I've tried to hold back more but the older I
get the more I feel like a person at the edge of a cliff
with a strong impending wind. So I'm hoping maybe being
part of this community will help me. No one who knows me
in real life has been told about this diary-- not even my
closest friends or lover. I'm hoping that it will give me
the anonymity I need to actually purge my heart so that
maybe I can heal and perhaps experience a soul and heart at
peace which I've searched for since my emotional existence.
